69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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