I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
