I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
