Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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