birth control should be required to get into college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
