grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
