I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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