just tell him i said nine months
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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