You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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