sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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