There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
