I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
