I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
