Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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