I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just cropdusted the office
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
