After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
