I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
