I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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