i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
