Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
