I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
