She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
