Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
