She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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