your thong is hanging out like whoa
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
