Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bring me that man meat
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
