But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
