Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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