Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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