My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
