it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
