Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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