our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
pray to the hookup gods
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
