So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
