OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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