who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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