Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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