Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Life is so much better after having sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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