It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
