Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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