I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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