***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
