Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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