Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
