And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
