Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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