Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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