no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
