No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
