He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
